


it's okay

by chyuns



Category: TREASURE (Korea Band)
Genre: M/M, Vampire! Jihoon, cue the angst, hyunsuk loves jihoon and jihoon isn't quite sure why, implied sexual content???? i suppose??? its mentioned once
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:33:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26905939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chyuns/pseuds/chyuns
Summary: When Hyunsuk reached out a hand, placing it on top of Jihoon’s and whispered, “It’s okay.” That was when the tears would finally begin to fall.He felt pathetic, tear droplets falling into the bathtub as Hyunsuk tried to tell him it was okay. That he didn’t mind, that he loved him. But none of this felt like love.And yet they'd continue the cycle, again and again.
Relationships: Choi Hyunsuk/Park Jihoon
Comments: 19
Kudos: 92





	it's okay

**Author's Note:**

> hi! tried a smth a little new for this one so i’m quite nervous about the turnout! 
> 
> hope anyone who reads, enjoys. 
> 
> (prior warning: blood mentions (duh) and none of my works are beta read! this is a one woman show babey!)
> 
> also i have undergone a username change! yoshis ➡️ chyuns

Jihoon woke up abruptly, the sound of a bypassing train filling his ears as he shot up in bed.

He sat there for a while, chest heaving as the sound of the seemingly never ending train finally faded off into the distance. Now, the only sound that broke the silence was Hyunsuk’s quiet breathing, as he lay asleep beside him. One of his legs was tangled with Jihoon’s, the heat making Jihoon burn slightly as he felt the other boy’s warmth.

He was hungry. Starving, in fact. He had been for a few days, but the first couple are generally manageable. He’d gotten used to having a small appetite, given it wasn’t exactly convenient to find someone to drain of blood every single day. Twice a week tended to suffice, now that puberty was over for him. Back when he’d been growing, that was another story altogether. He’d have drank the entire school’s population dry within a week if he’d had his way.

Contrary to popular belief, vampirism didn’t create a complete inability to see the sun. Meaning, Jihoon wouldn’t spontaneously combust when he wanted to go see a movie. It was more of an allergy. His skin would rash extremely easily, as in, within minutes of being in the sun. A bucket hat and some long sleeves solved the problem just fine. In fact, the sun was currently peeking through the gap in the blinds, a large patch of the bedcovers lit up. Jihoon just adjusted his body to steer clear of it.

With the grumble of his stomach reminding him of his priorities, Jihoon carefully extracted his leg out from underneath Hyunsuk’s, aiming to slip out quietly to find something, or someone, to eat quickly.

He stalked over to the wardrobe, pulling on the first white t-shirt he saw and pairing it with his baggy jeans. By now the knees were ripped to shreds from the amount of times he’d fallen off of his skateboard, but he’d grown attached to the specific pair. Plus, they were a hundred and fifty bucks. Right as he reached into the cupboard to grab his skateboard, a tired groan came from the bed he’d just left. He snapped his head around to see Hyunsuk, rubbing his eyes sleepily as he spoke incoherently.

“What?” Jihoon clutched the skateboard across his chest, leaning against the wardrobe door.

“You hungry?” Hyunsuk was looking at him now, loose hairs poking out in all directions.

Jihoon swallowed the lump in his throat, “I’m okay.”

Sometimes, very occasionally, Jihoon would feed from Hyunsuk. They’d done it more often in school, given the fact that high schoolers don’t exactly have the time to go between classes and avoiding their parents to go and find some poor bugger’s blood to suck. This was before Jihoon realised animal blood was a suitable substitute. Nowadays they only did it if their bank accounts were low. Nothing feels good about draining your best friend’s body. Mentally, that is. Physically, it was euphoric.

Hyunsuk had a taste similar to that of a toffee apple, a food Jihoon remembers fondly from before he was turned. Similarly for Hyunsuk, the feeling of having your blood sucked, correctly, wasn’t all that unpleasant.

“I don’t mind.” Hyunsuk blinked at him, letting the covers drop slightly to reveal the skin along his collarbones. His skin was flawless, apart from the few marks that had been left there from a few weeks prior and Jihoon was a second away from going insane.

The skateboard in his hands was receiving a lashing, grip tightening as he smiled at Hyunsuk casually, “I’m good. See you later.”

***

If someone had told Jihoon how his life would have panned out a few years ago, he’d have laughed in their face. Vampire gangs, human allies, turning ceremonies. It sounded ridiculous. To be fair, it was ridiculous. Which was why Jihoon refused to take part in any of it ever since he’d realised he could make it on his own.

At first he needed them; the group of vampires who had turned him initially. They’d meant to kill him, one day when he was walking home from school, but a newbie messed the whole ordeal up.

Jihoon lay in a pile of his own blood for an hour until a passer by noticed him. He was rushed to hospital, only just managing to make it through alive. Hyunsuk was the only one there for him when he’d woken up, his own mother too busy to stay overnight.

He remembers his teeth hurting. Severe flashes of pain that made him question whether or not he was having nerve problems, nothing seemed to fit the explanation. But the first night he’d fallen asleep in the hospital, the nightmare he’d had was a complete reliving of the events that had unfolded. And so, he remembered.

The thing with vampires, is that they can smell other vampires from their own clan. So it took a few hours of wandering the school hallways before Jihoon was pressed up against a locker with a hand around his throat, questioning who the hell he was, and why the hell he smelt the way he did.

He was taken in, subjected to things no teenager should ever have to witness and nothing he ever wanted to witness again. That lasted until six months ago, when he ran away.

***

Today he’d scrounged up enough change to get some leftover cows blood from the butcher, the man having struck a ‘we won’t kill you if you give us what we want’ deal with the vampires Jihoon used to hang around. There was always a glint of hostility in his eyes when Jihoon walked in the door, probably disgust with what he was.

“Hey, at least it’s not human _right_?” Jihoon pulled a straw out of his pocket, poking it through the tightly sealed bag. He rolled his eyes when the butcher muttered something about it being disgusting.

Hyunsuk was the only person that had ever treated him as half normal, despite knowing what he was. Even from day one. That was something he always appreciated. Everyone had left. Everyone, except Hyunsuk.

To put his and Hyunsuk’s relationship into words was not an easy thing to do. Jihoon didn’t know what they were, truthfully. He loved Hyunsuk and Hyunsuk loved him, but that wasn’t an explanation.

They kissed. They kissed a lot, actually, often escalating things until they were both lying there, clothes off and needing to be cleaned up. Jihoon would carry Hyunsuk to the bathroom, neck covered in mouth shaped bruises as he ran him a hot bath and washed him off.

Hyunsuk would let him feed from him when he was hungry, let him cry on his shoulder when he was upset, let him rant when he was angry. Jihoon wasn’t quite sure why Hyunsuk had stuck around in the first place. He felt hard to love at the best of times, and yet Hyunsuk was there for his worst. 

Jihoon would be hungry, Hyunsuk would tell him it's alright. Naturally, Jihoon would refuse, until he couldn't take it any longer, digging his fangs into Hyunsuk's nearest piece of flesh. 

_Euphoric_.

The whole thing was euphoric, even if it would only last for a minute. Once a certain amount of blood had been ingested, Jihoon became mechanical, not stopping until he got what he needed.

He'd lift Hyunsuk’s shirt up, biting into his shoulder and sucking until his fangs were no longer aching. Until Hyunsuk was light headed and repeating Jihoon’s name over and over like a prayer.

As soon as he was no longer riddled with the incessant hunger that plagued his mind, he'd pull out his fangs, horror washing over him at the sight in front if him. 

“ _I’m so sorry_.” Jihoon would whisper over and over, ignoring Hyunsuk’s acceptance of his words.

He'd pick up Hyunsuk carefully, hugging him close to his chest as he carried him into the bathroom. Not being able to stand, Jihoon would for opt a bath, like he’d done every other time, hardly being able to look at Hyunsuk’s ruined flesh without his eyes welling up.

When Hyunsuk reached out a hand, placing it on top of Jihoon’s and whispered , “ _It’s okay_.” That was when the tears would finally begin to fall.

He felt pathetic, tear droplets falling into the bathtub as Hyunsuk tried to tell him it was okay. That he didn’t mind, that he _loved_ him. But none of this felt like love.

And yet they'd continue the cycle, _again and again._

***

Deep, _deep_ down, Jihoon hoped that maybe Hyunsuk would run away. But the forefront of his mind was much more selfish. He wanted Hyunsuk to himself, like he had always been.

Hyunsuk was his, after all. Who else’s could he be? Hyunsuk had never uttered as many I love you’s to anyone on the planet, never been covered with marks by anyone else and hadn’t been so pathetically in love with anyone else. Jihoon was the only one with these privileges.

“You’re being weird lately.” Hyunsuk resembled a deer, hands hugging his own body as they both stood in the hallway.

“I’m just busy.” Jihoon tried to reassure him, but they both knew that was a lie.

Regardless, Hyunsuk didn’t protest. Just let Jihoon kiss him on the cheek softly, before exiting the front door. Leaving Hyunsuk alone in their apartment for the millionth time that month.

They had stayed like this for weeks, in limbo, Jihoon not-so-successfully ignoring Hyunsuk until Hyunsuk quite literally had him cornered in their living room.

“I cant see the TV.” Jihoon complained, ushering Hyunsuk to move.

He really didn’t give a damn about what was on the screen, but rather wanted an exit route to the conversation that had been inevitably building up.

“What’s wrong with you?” Hyunsuk’s eyebrows knitted together slightly.

Jihoon gulped, unable to answer, but mostly because he was starving. Hyunsuk was meant to be at work, having called the shift off last minute, and now his pestering scent was clogging Jihoon’s ability to think.

“I just really want to watch this show.” Jihoon waved the remote in the air.

Hyunsuk turned to face the TV, “ _Antiques Roadshow_?”

Well?

“Yes.” Jihoon stood up, towering over Hyunsuk.

Jihoon didn’t miss the way Hyunsuk flinched slightly, and he’d be damned if it didn’t hurt a little. He made way to the front door, eager to escape this whole scenario that was occurring.

“Where are you going?” Hyunsuk yelled after him.

“I need to eat!” Jihoon yelled back, opening the door and slamming it behind him.

It had been a while since he’d last eaten, too busy doing god knows what else, he couldn’t even think about that at the moment. All he was focused on was moving his feet fast enough to make it to the butcher before he killed someone. Unfortunately, he’d forgotten it was a public holiday, meaning the butcher was in fact, not open.

“Fuck.” He hit his palm flat against the window, sinking down against it. The next sequence of events were a blur.

Feet moving. Concrete. Train ride. Their apartment. Shower. Kitchen. Bed. He stared up at the ceiling, mind feeling like it was separating from his body. The edges of his vision were growing blurry like a common iron deficiency would make someone feel. It was scary how fast his hunger could escalate.

“Jihoon?” The bed dipped slightly as Hyunsuk lay next to him.

Jihoon just hummed quietly in response, no energy left to form the words he wanted to say. From this distance, Jihoon could smell Hyunsuk. The steady heartbeat in his chest was audible and Jihoon hated himself for letting it make him hungrier. He was _starving_. He hadn’t gone this long without food in a hot minute and wasn’t used to the way cravings made him feel.

“Have you eaten?” Hyunsuk’s voice was painfully innocent, draping an arm around Jihoon from behind as he perched his head on Jihoon’s shoulder.

“Butcher was closed.” Jihoon tried to project his voice but it came out as weakly as expected.

Hyunsuk didn’t say a word, simply getting up and leaving the room. His footsteps echoed out into the kitchen, before the sound of clinking metal filled Jihoon’s ears. It became unbearable almost immediately, his senses overloading in every possible way when he was hungry. He grabbed the pillow from beside him, stuffing it over his head in an attempt to block his ears. He stayed like that for a minute, fabric pressed against his head, until he heard the faint patter of footsteps enter the room again.

Jihoon opened his eyes to see Hyunsuk standing in the doorway, kitchen knife in hand with the blade pressed against his palm. His eyes weren’t fierce, or deadpan, or even filled with worry. Instead they were warm, kind expression across his face as he simply looked at Jihoon from across the room.

“Hyunsuk.” His name got caught in Jihoon’s throat, “ _Don’t_.”

“It’s okay.” Hyunsuk smiled, pressing the blade into his hand until the familiar amber liquid was seeping out against his pale skin.

Jihoon’s heart was beating out of his chest, breathing accelerating like he’d just ran a marathon. He looked down to see his own palms bloody, much resembling Hyunsuk’s, as he’d clenched his fists so hard he’d started to bleed. Hyunsuk simply stood there, hand dropping as his blood dripped onto the floor, knowing Jihoon could only hold out for so much longer.

“ _No_.” Jihoon whined, throwing the covers over his head and curling into a ball on the bed.

Every part of him wanted to do this. To drain Hyunsuk’s body until there was nothing left but a pile of flesh, take him to the hospital to fill him back up and do it all over again. It was disgusting, he knew it was disgusting, but it was what he wanted right now. Everything became too unbearable when Hyunsuk was next to him again, bloody palm reaching out to turn Jihoon to face him. They were both under the covers, breathing heavily as the lack of oxygen began to get to them.

“It’s okay.” Hyunsuk repeated.

It was quite pathetic how Hyunsuk was the one doing the consoling. Jihoon was quite literally immortal, possessing powers humans could only dream of and here he was, weak and frail, being babied by a skinny human boy.

He placed a hand on the back of Hyunsuk’s neck, apologising when the other boy shivered at how cold he was. Once the skin was within reach, he sank his teeth in, holding Hyunsuk’s waist with one hand when his body began to weaken slightly.

“You okay?” Jihoon muttered, making Hyunsuk chuckle slightly at the tickling sensation it caused on his neck.

“Yeah.” His words were coming out slower than usual, as draining blood tended to make someone tired. Especially someone as small as Hyunsuk, whose frail body had now become putty in Jihoon’s hands.

He wasn’t always so susceptible to the dizziness, but since they were skipping a few meals a week to pay rent, Jihoon had watched Hyunsuk’s frame shrink over the past few months.

“Feels kinda nice anyway.” Hyunsuk whispered against Jihoon’s ear, the sensation making Jihoon’s heartbeat pick up slightly.

He felt terrible. Especially given the fact he could easily have afforded some cheap animal blood had he realised the store was closed. But Hyunsuk had offered one too many times, and he just tasted so sweet.

It was best compared with eating chocolate, back when Jihoon could stomach the stuff. Dopamine was being produced in the masses, Hyunsuk’s blood giving him more energy than a year’s worth of cows blood could.

Not to mention the high pitched whines Hyunsuk was making were causing a sensory overload, fully convinced he was going to pass out and die from being so in love with the person in front of him.

“Jihoon.” Hyunsuk said softly, pawing at his sides

“Hm?” Jihoon took his fangs out of Hyunsuk’s neck to look at him, face softening when he saw the other boy wearing a concerned expression.

“You okay?” Jihoon wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. Hyunsuk was here, teeth buried into his skin and worried about Jihoon.

Hyunsuk leaned in, Jihoon meeting him half way as their mouths met. Jihoon’s legs were now straddling Hyunsuk’s, keeping him pinned down as Hyunsuk stared up at him, eyes wide and sparkling. This was how Jihoon liked him best.

“I love you.” Hyunsuk breathed out, pupils wide and mouth agape.

Jihoon wasn’t sure why the statement hurt as much as it did, “You shouldn’t.”

Hyunsuk grabbed Jihoon’s hand, bringing it to his lips and pressing soft kisses to his knuckles. Jihoon let his eyes close, just for a second, just so he could pretend that he was okay with Hyunsuk loving someone like him.

Because Jihoon loved Hyunsuk. He loved Hyunsuk more than he’d loved anyone else on the planet, and a thousand times over. If Hyunsuk asked Jihoon to kill for him, he’d do it in a heartbeat. He’d do anything.

Hyunsuk loving him back, that was another story entirely. There wouldn’t ever be a time in Jihoon’s life that he could confirm Hyunsuk was safe. The certainty would never be there. Hell, Jihoon couldn’t even stomach down food on a normal date.

“You’re supposed say it back.” Jihoon’s eyes snapped open at Hyunsuk’s words, heart hurting further as Hyunsuk’s face was pulled into an expression of worry.

Jihoon leant down slightly, cupping Hyunsuk’s face in his hands gently as he placed a kiss to his forehead softly.

“I love you.” Jihoon whispered, pressing their foreheads together.

“But...” Hyunsuk trailed off, knowing there was more.

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

Hyunsuk scoffed, breaking the sombre atmosphere, “Okay, Edward Cullen.”

Jihoon just stared at him blankly, “Hyunsuk.”

Hyunsuk sighed in response, sitting up so that they were at eye level. In this lighting, Jihoon could make out the bags under his eyes and felt guilty. He couldn’t remember them being there earlier, before he'd taken his nutrience from him.

“I love you,” Hyunsuk poked Jihoon’s chest firmly, “And you,” poke, “Love me.”

“Yes.” It sounded simple. It should have been simple. But it wasn’t. Was it?

“If you hurt me...” Hyunsuk looked down, “I’d never blame you. You know that, right?”

_If_. The possibility was always there, lingering. If it was at the back of Jihoon’s mind it would certainly be in the back of Hyunsuk’s. A healthy relationship doesn’t usually involve being conscious of your partner maiming you at any given moment.

“If.” Jihoon parroted, laughing coldly.

“I don’t care. I don’t, okay? Turn me into one of you, if that’s what it takes.” His voice shook slightly as he spoke, unnerving levels of desperation seeping through.

Jihoon had thought about that possibility. Of course he had. He was selfish, inherently so. The thought of Hyunsuk and him living an eternity together had crossed his mind so many times he could hardly keep count.

“I don’t want that for you.” Jihoon smiled softly at Hyunsuk’s thoughtfulness. His selflessness. _Him_.

“Just promise you won’t leave.” Hyunsuk whispered into the air.

Jihoon blinked at him, scanning his eyes over his features. His soft hair. His long eyelashes. The innocence in his eyes. His pillowy lips. Jihoon didn’t think he could leave Hyunsuk if it meant the destruction of the earth would occur. Without him, he was nothing.

“I promise.” Jihoon whispered back, kissing Hyunsuk softly.

And despite all of the lingering uncertainty, it felt like the truth. 

**Author's Note:**

> ﾟ･:*｡(ꈍᴗꈍ)ε｀*)~｡*:･ﾟ
> 
> thanks for reading my second fic!
> 
> update: i now have [twitter](https://twitter.com/chyunsie)


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